Toxic Masculinity and Saint Joseph

MARCH 19 IS THE FEAST OF SAINT JOSEPH. The man chosen by God to be the Foster Father of Jesus. But, today, we are usually talking about toxic masculinity. • • • WHAT IS 'TOXIC MASCULINITY'? The UK Independent published an article about it on January 17, weighing on the Gillette ad that seems to have started the current debate about men. The Independent wrote : "The release of Gillette’s new advert, called 'The Best Men Can Be,' has sparked a huge online debate about the concept of toxic masculinity and whether it’s something that society needs to tackle. The advert highlights several topical issues, including sexual harassment, the #MeToo movement and the pressure placed on young boys to conform to gender norms, all of which are arguably rooted in toxic masculinity. So how can toxic masculinity be defined, where does the term come from, and how can it be addressed?" • The Independent defines toxic masculinity as "harmful behavior and attitudes commonly associated with some men, such as the need to repress emotions during stressful situations, and to act in an aggressively dominant way. 'I would say there’s lots of forms of masculinity,' says Tom Ross-Williams, actor, activist and ambassador for the Great Men project, a school workshop project run by gender equality organization the Good Lad Initiative. 'One of the ways that masculinity sometimes manifests is through toxic behavior which ultimately ends in violence, and that violence either is enacted on men themselves, or on other people. I think it’s a process of microaggressions that escalate to a point where violence is enacted on the world.' ” • The Independent also offers another explanation of 'toxic masculinity' -- quoting The Good Men project, which, according to the Independent, is : "another initiative that aims to challenge public perception of what it means to be a man in the 21st Century, [and which] describes toxic masculinity as a form of manhood that’s 'defined by violence, sex, status and aggression.' The organization explains that men who exhibit behavior affiliated with toxic masculinity often view stereotypically feminine traits, such as being emotionally vulnerable, in a negative light." • Toxic masculinity, says the Independent : "doesn’t solely affect the boys and men who exhibit 'toxic' behavior, but also those around them who may not identify with or relate to conventionally masculine traits. 'It affects anybody outside of a very narrow ‘man box.’ So that includes queer boys, gender non-conforming people and women,' Ross-Williams tells The Independent. 'I think it is especially harmful in that it holds structures of patriarchy that stop women from accessing certain positions of power or more fundamentally challenges their basic human rights.' " • Where did toxic masculinity come from? The Independent looks to writer Emily A. Snyder, who explains : "The term 'toxic masculinity' was reportedly first used by psychologist Shepherd Bliss in the 1980s and 1990s. Bliss sought to separate the negative traits of men from the positive traits, and used the term 'toxic masculinity' as a means of making the distinction. Traits that Bliss defined as being 'toxic' to masculinity included 'avoidance of emotional expression,' the 'over-aspiration for physical, sexual and intellectual dominance' and the 'systematic devaluation of women’s opinions, body and sense of self.' " • Ross-Williams told the Independent that : "Toxic masculinity and the notion that men must act in a dominant and aggressive manner in order to command respect is a concept that may stem from the perpetuation of the patriarchy." • Jack Unwin, author of Man Up, told the Independent that toxic masculinity "may also come from a recent cultural shift in attitudes towards gender norms...The fact is, a lot of men seem to feel their place in the modern world is becoming less purposeful. So in an attempt to claw back some sense of manliness a lot of them are perpetuating what we’d refer to as toxic masculinity -- a sort of overcompensating form of behavior that has its roots in ideas of traditional masculinity – such as strength and stoicism. But because our understanding of these has become so warped and removed from context they end up just being very unhealthy ways to act.” • "One of the ways toxic masculinity can be addressed is by changing how boys and young men are raised in today’s society," says Christopher Muwanguzi, CEO of charity Working With Men. He explained to the Independent that "dominance and aggression are both traits that are frequently imparted on young boys from an early age as 'necessary parts of being a man.' By helping young men and boys understand that they don’t have to conform to archaic aggressive stereotypes of masculinity, we can reduce antisocial behavior, mental health struggles, suicides, gender-based crime and domestic violence,' he says." • Ross-Williams also believes that men have "a duty to recognize their privilege in modern society, and that doing so will have a knock-on effect on the current state of toxic masculinity. In order to dismantle toxic masculinity, people would have to be willing to challenge their own privileges, which is not something a lot of people want to do because it gives them an advantage in the world,” Ross-Williams states. • Of course, in today's age of marketing ideas as a product selling point, some brands have started using toxic masculinity in their marketing campaigns, not only Gillette. AND, of course, some have condemned such ads for, as the Independent puts it : "seemingly criticizing the behavior of all men and for exploiting customers by jumping on a progressive bandwagon, others have praised it for showing the different ways in which masculinity can be defined." Ben Hurst, project coordinator and lead facilitator of the Good Lad Initiative, told the Independent : "It is completely necessary to show men -- and especially boys -- that there are many ways of ‘being a man’; ways in which strength can be re-imagined as calling out a friend who tells a sexist joke or resilience can be seen as an acceptance of one’s vulnerability. Gillette’s ad is certainly not the answer to this problem, but it’s encouraging to see that they have taken a step in the right direction, and this advert along with adverts like it are certainly moving the conversation to the next level.” • • • IS THERE AN 'EVERY-DAY' WAY TO APPROACH TOXIC MASCULINITY? There are always two sides ot every issue, and that is certainly true about the topic of toxic masculinity. • I found the 'other side' in an online publication called "The Book of Man" (thebookofman.com). An article was title "What is toxic masculinity?" • The Book of Man says : "A sensible person's guide to toxic masculinity -- what it means, whether it's valid, and if we can find any use in it...'Toxic' is the Oxford Dictionary’s 2018 Word of the Year, an accolade for a word 'judged to reflect the ethos, mood or preoccupations of the passing year, and have lasting potential as a term of cultural significance.' One of the reasons for its sudden popularity is of course the use of the phrase ‘toxic masculinity.’ The Oxford lot said, 'after ‘chemical,' ‘masculinity’ is the most-used word in conjunction with toxic this year. With the #MeToo movement putting a cross-industry spotlight on toxic masculinity, and watershed political events like the Brett Kavanaugh Senate judiciary committee hearing sparking international debate, the term toxic masculinity has well and truly taken root in the public consciousness and got people talking in 2018.” • Son says The Book of Man : "...if only anyone could actually agree on what toxic masculinity actually means. The phrase has been used as an adjective to describe all men, or simply as a reference to a certain type of man, or instead just a certain type of behavior, which could mean violence or sexual assault, or it could mean a bit of manspreading on the bus, or even, according to a certain way of thinking, opening a door for a woman in an act of ‘benevolent sexism.' With toxic masculinity being such a catch-all phrase, it often devalues any salient points it brings up, as it gets people’s backs up before you can get into any discussion. We’ve certainly been wrestling with it, without outright rejecting it, finding that by its very ubiquity in debate around men today there must be some useful purpose in engaging with it. But here we’d like to try and break down its meanings in order to try and get a true handle on it." • The article in The Book of Man first dives inot the origins of Toxic Masculinity : "The phrase can be traced back to a guy called, brilliantly, Shepherd Bliss, who was one of the leaders of the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement...which sprang up in the 80s, and aimed to remythologize men : essentially remove the limited archetypes like 'warrior and king' and end biological determinism and hierarchical thinking. Bliss wrote about a return to preindustrial cooperative masculinity, all raising barns and making fires, rather than competitive technological masculinity. He’s American with a white beard and looks a bit like a wise man the crew of the Enterprise would meet on a hippy planet in 60s Star Trek -- yes, he’s a bit of hero. Originally he came up with the phrase to identify behaviors that were toxic to masculinity, bad for men in other words : 'Shame, disassociation and avoidance of emotional expression. Extreme self-reliance. Extreme aspiration for physical, sexual and intellectual dominance. Devaluation of women’s opinions, body and sense of self. Condemning anything feminine within another man. Which, to our mind, looks pretty damn solid, and fair and reasonable, in the context of suicide being the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK, and the emerge of organizations like CALM and Andy’s Man Club whose sole purpose is to get men together and allow them to open up about how they feel -- life-saving, real-world stuff, aimed directly at dismantling the above behaviors. In it’s original meaning, it shows toxic masculinity as a way to gather and identify cultural and social traits which are the enemy of men, not just women." • Then, The Book of Man moves on to "hegemonic masculinity....Hegemonic masculinity is a concept developed by Australian sociologist R.W. Connell which is defined as a practice that 'legitimizes men’s dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of women and other marginalized ways of being a man.' Basically it’s about the culturally idealized form of manhood that is related to bread-winning and hitting the top of the social hierarchy. As described by psychiatry academic Terry Kupers : 'Hegemonic masculinity is the stereotypic notion of masculinity that shapes the socialization and aspirations of young males...[it] includes a high degree of ruthless competition, an inability to express emotions other than anger, an unwillingness to admit weakness or dependency, devaluation of women and all feminine attributes in men, homophobia, and so forth.' " • The Book of Man notes that : "We may all recognize that in some of the older ways in which we have come to think of what being a 'real man' is all about, primarily in the white, hetero, world. Perhaps the actual men we know personally -- yes even the white heteros -- are far more complex and emotional than this, but in the outside world, particularly at work, the above expectations still hold true. You are supposed to ‘perform’ in this way, and such social teachings remain commonplace for young boys. The problem being that the 'real man' archetype is one which nobody could ever live up to, and leads to boys growing up believing they shouldn’t be weak, shouldn’t be vulnerable, shouldn’t be 'a girl' and seek health advice from doctors, never mind mental health help. Men who adhere to this need for dominance and social control are more likely to suffer stress, depression, and addiction. And with the taboo of the feminine, and its associated reduction of women and gay men to subordinate positions, the teaching extends its damaging reach." • BUT, while hegemonic masculinity, says The Book of Man, "fails to deal with the complexity of social dynamics and competing forms of masculinity...there’s the more positive values of hegemonic masculinity, which can include protection, strength, and team cooperation. Like when John Wayne helps a baby cow out of a river. However, by identifying toxic masculinity as an aspect of hegemonic masculinity at its worst, socialized behavior which cuts across all classes and backgrounds, you can separate out the areas which need some work. Of course, with hegemonic masculinity being so hammered into men from childhood, any attack on even the worst aspects can be taken as an attack on men as a whole, causing a lashing out, not least in the murky realms of the online ‘manosphere’ with its trolls and incels." • The problem for The Book of Man is that : "It is hard for men to understand how we are shackled to certain notions of Being a Man, and it can provoke a cornered animal response. But when you’re required to have dominance and control in a world that can’t be dominated and controlled, and you will forever be fruitlessly chasing that, then we’re trapped in false notions -- it’s bondage, it’s hell. We can’t ignore this, we surely need to explore new rites of passage for boys with different values, and one way of approaching this is to identify toxic masculinity as the damaging aspects which we need to fight against; this is where we feel the phrase has a use." • • • TOXIC MASCULINITY DOES NOT DESCRIBE ALL MEN. Those "protection, strength, and team cooperation" descriptors of men can be positive and have a generally good effect on society. HOWEVER, the current use of the term 'toxic masculinity' leaves no room for those positive aspects of traditional men -- The Book of Man quotes Professor Eric Anderson who called its usage 'neither sociologically sound, nor moral, to castigate the whole by one aspect of one’s actions.' ” • Demonizing men is not helpful in society. Just as belittling women is not helpful. There are, despite all the current 'pop psychology,' a place for "protection, strength and team cooperation" in today's world. And, it has most often been the men in our culture who exhibit those traits. The Book of Man quotes evolutionary psychologist Gad Saad, Ph.D, writing in Psychology Today : “There has been a relentless ideological attack on masculinity, stemming from radical feminism, the most recent example of which is the bogus term 'toxic masculinity.' It literally seeks to pathologize masculinity in ways that are profoundly harmful to the existential sense of self of young men...most of the traits and behaviors that are likely found under the rubric of 'toxic masculinity' are precisely those that most women find attractive in an ideal mate!" • For The Book of Man : "The difficulty comes in the separation of evolutionary impulses and learned behaviors, or rather, in using our ever evolving minds to assess what behaviors work and what don’t in modern society, according to our ethical values. This, then, is not about pathologizing masculinity, rather at looking at certain extreme forms of masculine behavior which we need to question." • • • JOSEPH, THE FOSTER FATHER OF JESUS. That brings us to Saint Joseph. His feast day is March 19 & May 1. He is the patron saint of the Universal Church, unborn children, fathers, workers, travelers, immigrants, and a happy death. • If we are looking for true masculinity, Joseph is a good place to begin. • Catholic Online (catholic.org) says : "Everything we know about the husband of Mary and the foster father of Jesus comes from Scripture and that has seemed too little for those who made up legends about him. We know he was a carpenter, a working man, for the skeptical Nazarenes ask about Jesus, 'Is this not the carpenter's son?' (Matthew 13:55). He wasn't rich for when he took Jesus to the Temple to be circumcised and Mary to be purified he offered the sacrifice of two turtledoves or a pair of pigeons, allowed only for those who could not afford a lamb (Luke 2:24). Despite his humble work and means, Joseph came from a royal lineage. Luke and Matthew disagree some about the details of Joseph's genealogy but they both mark his descent from David, the greatest king of Israel (Matthew 1:1-16 and Luke 3:23-38). Indeed the angel who first tells Joseph about Jesus greets him as 'son of David,' a royal title used also for Jesus. We know Joseph was a compassionate, caring man. When he discovered Mary was pregnant after they had been betrothed, he knew the child was not his but was as yet unaware that she was carrying the Son of God. He knew women accused of adultery could be stoned to death, so he resolved to send her away quietly to not expose her to shame or cruelty. However, when an angel came to Joseph in a dream and told him, 'Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins,' he did as the angel told him and took Mary as his wife. (Matthew 1:19-25). When the angel came again to tell him that his family was in danger, he immediately left everything he owned, all his family and friends, and fled to a strange country with his young wife and the baby. He waited in Egypt without question until the angel told him it was safe to go back (Matthew 2:13-23). We know Joseph loved Jesus. His one concern was for the safety of this child entrusted to him. Not only did he leave his home to protect Jesus, but upon his return settled in the obscure town of Nazareth out of fear for his life. When Jesus stayed in the Temple we are told Joseph (along with Mary) searched with great anxiety for three days for him (Luke 2:48). We also know that Joseph treated Jesus as his own son for over and over the people of Nazareth say of Jesus, 'Is this not the son of Joseph?' (Luke 4:22) We know Joseph respected God. He followed God's commands in handling the situation with Mary and going to Jerusalem to have Jesus circumcised and Mary purified after Jesus' birth. We are told that he took his family to Jerusalem every year for Passover, something that could not have been easy for a working man." • Joseph does not appear in Jesus' public life, or at his crucifixion, or resurrection, and many historians believe this is because Joseph probably had died before Jesus entered public ministry. Catholic Online says : "According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, the Apocryphal Date for Joseph's death is July 20, AD 18 in Nazareth. Joseph is the patron saint of the dying because, assuming he died before Jesus' public life, he died with Jesus and Mary close to him, the way we all would like to leave this earth. Joseph is also patron saint of the Universal Church, families, fathers, expectant mothers (pregnant women), travelers, immigrants, house sellers and buyers, craftsmen, engineers, and working people in general." • We celebrate two feast days for Joseph -- March 19 for Joseph the Husband of Mary, and May 1 for Joseph the Worker. March 19 has been the most commonly celebrated feast day for Joseph, and it wasn't until 1955 that Pope Pius XII established the Feast of "Saint Joseph the Worker" to be celebrated on May 1. This is also May Day (International Workers' Day) and believed to reflect Joseph's status as the patron of workers." • Catholic Online notes that : "Many places and churches all over the world are named after Saint Joseph, including the Spanish form, San Jose, which is the most commonly named place in the world. Joseph is considered by many to also be the patron saint of the New World; of the countries China, Canada, Korea, Mexico, Austria, Belgium, Croatia, Peru, Vietnam; of the regions Carinthia, Styria, Tyrol, Sicily; and of several main cities and dioceses. In art, Joseph is typically portrayed as an older man, with grey hair and a beard, often balding, sometimes appearing frail and a marginal figure next to Mary and Jesus, if not entirely in the background. Some statues of Joseph show his staff topped with flowers." • There is a lot that we don't know about Joseph -- exactly where and when he was born, how he spent his days, exactly when and how he died. But Scripture has left us with the most important knowledge : who he was -- "a righteous man" (Matthew 1:18). • ChurchPOP (churchpop.com) published an article on Joseph on March 20, 2017. It was written by John Laney and titled 'Saint Joseph : the Perfect Model of Catholic Fatherhood." I'm sure the writer would agree that Joseph has things ot say not only to Catholic fathers, but to all fathers, and to men in general. Laney offers three ways in which Saint Joseph serves as the perfect model of Catholic [and other] fatherhood : "1) Saint Joseph was Righteous. The Gospel according to Saint Matthew describes Saint Joseph as a “righteous man” (Mt 1:19). In the first century, a righteous man was one who obeyed the laws of God. We know Saint Joseph was obedient because he and Mary took the infant Jesus to the temple for consecration in accordance with the Mosaic law (Lk 2:22-24). Today, we imitate Saint Joseph by obeying the Divine Law as contained in the Ten Commandments and Eight Beatitudes....2) Saint Joseph was Chaste. The Catholic Church teaches Mary was a perpetual virgin. It follows Saint Joseph did not have conjugal relations with her. [An early tradition claims that he had been previously married, had children from that previous marriage, and that his wife had died, leaving him a widower. In this account, he knew that Mary had taken a vow of virginity, and he was chosen to marry Mary and serve as her protector in part because he was old and not interested in starting another family.] This helps to explain why he apparently died while Jesus was a young man, as well as explains why some people are referred to as Jesus’ “brothers” and “sisters” in the Gospels: they could have been Joseph’s children from a previous marriage, and so were Jesus’ step-siblings. He was chaste throughout his marriage, thus allowing it to serve, in a special way, as a preeminent sign of God’s loving union with humanity. We follow the example of Saint Joseph when we regulate our sexual desires. For single persons, chastity requires abstinence...for married couples, it includes mutual fidelity between spouses, as well as an openness to the gift of life. 3) Saint Joseph was Industrious. Saint Joseph was a carpenter by trade (Mt 13:55). As such, he knew the value of a hard day’s work. He also understood the challenges of providing for a family. His industriousness inspires us to greater diligence in our professions. Regardless of our respective career paths, we should always strive to imitate Saint Joseph and put forth our very best efforts. Christ promises to repay us for the conscientious performance of our duties (Col 3:23-24)....The righteousness, chastity, and industriousness of Saint Joseph make him the perfect model of Catholic fatherhood. We should all seek to follow his example. In so doing, he will help us become the fathers God wants us to be." • • • DEAR READERS, as well as displaying these positive virtues, Saint Joseph displayed other common traits seen in men -- he has no recorded words in Scripture, he quietly protected the family given to him by God; he was a silent, humble servant of God who did his task well, and no more; and he is not even mentioned in the Gospel of Mark -- or most of the New Testament, something we can appreciate today because our fathers so often say, don't celebrate Father's Day -- I'm just doing my job, it's your mother who should be honored. • Thus, this man without any toxic masculinity but with a lot of love for his family and devotion to the job God gave him to do, has become a model for fathers and men. Veneration of Saint Joseph goes back at least to the 9th century, when an early title used to honor him was "Nutritor Domini," meaning “Guardian of the Lord.” • One thing that has struck me in reading about toxic masculinity is the lack of advice for women. Of course, women should not have to worry about being accosted on the street, at work, or in a club, but they should be told that they have enormous control over the attitudes and actions of men, from an early age. It worries me that the #MeToo group doesn't talk more about this and explain to young girls that they control the male-female dialogue more than they apparently realize or are being told. And, while it may seem old-fashioned, there are appropriate clothes for office, classroom or TV jobs that reflect assurance and assertiveness around issues, ideas and intellect -- dressing appropriately goes a long way to being taken seriously. To the young women who will disagree with these observations, I can only say that they come from my experience as the first woman in many professional settings. Believe me, there is value in prudence. • "There is no such thing as society : there are individual men and women, and there are families." ___Margaret Thatcher.