Summer Saturday -- Just Plain Ridiculous

SUMMER SATURDAYS ARE FULL OF THINGS THAT ARE JUST PLAIN RIDICULOUS. • • • Let's start with Maxine Waters, the Democrat Congresswoman from California -- where else?? We already know just how ridiculous Maxine is -- she's the woman who said a few month ago when things were pretty hot between North Korea and the US that what really scared her was that if North Korea dropped a nuclear bomb on the US, Turmp would probably start a war -- Say what, Maxine?? Well, Maxine, who starts every speech with a call to impeach the President, has a new idea. The pretty ridiculous United Methodist Church has submitted a formal complaint against Attorney General Jeff Sessions for his role in the Trump administration’s “zero tolerance” immigration policy that has led to the separation of parents from their children, Newsweek reported. The UM complaint accuses Sessions of breaking the United Methodist Church’s Book of Discipline, charging him with child abuse, immorality, racial discrimination, and “dissemination of doctrines contrary to the standards of doctrine of the United Methodist Church,” such as his “misuse of Romans 13 to indicate the necessity of obedience to secular law.” The UM said about Sessions : “He is ours, and we are his. As his denomination, we have an ethical obligation to speak boldly when one of our members is engaged in causing significant harm in matters contrary to the Discipline on the global stage.” Reverend David Wright organized the formal complaint against Sessions, hoping that he would “stop the things he’s doing with his social and political power that are causing such significant harm,” according to Newsweek. But Our Girl Maxine took it one step further -- she has not only praised their decision -- she has called on the United Methodist Church to remove Sessions from its denomination. Here is her tweet : "Thank you to the 640 UM church members for bringing charges against AG Jeff Sessions for his immoral attack on families and children in the name of the Bible. Separating children from their parents demands an investigation by the church. Kick him out in the name of the Lord!" Silly us, we thought the Inquisition was a long-abandoned relic form the 16th century. I think Maxine must have forgotten another part of the Lord's advice to us -- advice He said was the most important thing for us after loving God -- Love your neighbor as yourself. Maxine, please stop being just plain ridiculous. Hillary probably just accidentally 'bit-bleached" out that particular Gospel verse, because she sent out a letter last week asking for money and saying that : "Jeff Sessions is trying to use the Bible to justify this cruelty. Let me say this: I went to a lot of years of Sunday school and even taught it from time to time, and what is being done using the name of religion is contrary to everything I was ever taught." Hillary talking about teaching Sunday School is even more ridiculous than Maxine trying to kick Jeff out of the United Methodist Church. What do these two women put in their morning coffee??? • • • Here is the sports world's ridiculosity of the week -- the Daily Wire’s Michael Knowles is not a fan of soccer, known internationally as “football,” and he isn’t afraid to say it. But, now he is adding that Soccer is anti-American. Right, Michael. How you arrived at that stunner is not clear, but you might have reserved your opinion until after the curently running World Cup -- it just happens to be the most watched sports event in the entire world. President Obama didn't share Michael's opinion. He tried to get FIFA to host the event in America -- at his home town in Chicago -- to no avail. What is really ridiculously funny is that current President Trump, often called anti-American, anti-globalist and anti-everything, somehow managed to help convince FIFA to agree to let the US, Canada and Mexico jointly host the 2026 World Cup. Michael Knowles, the most popular sport in the world is coming to the United States, so if I were you, I'd figure out how to explain that you really didn't say that soccer is anti-American. In a few years, that opinion will be even more just plain ridiculous than it is today. • • • How about this for just plain ridiculous. Finland came out on top in the 2018 World Happiness Report, but what if the Finnish people don’t agree. According to the 2018 World Happiness Report, based on research conducted by Gallup, Finland is the happiest country in the world. The Finns are not so sure about the result, though -- being, as they are, a typically stoic sort of people. “Nordic people, and the Finns in particular, are emotionally introverted,” explained Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute, an independent think tank in Denmark that studies happiness and wellbeing. “They rarely rank highly on expressions of joy or anger -- they are very different in that way from people from Latin America, for example, who have a more exuberant emotional expression as a people. For [the Finns], happiness is more about living a reserved, balanced and resilient life.” Some Finns laughed at the report and said that Finnish people are content more than happy. This year, for the first time, the World Happiness Report asked immigrants to take part in the survey, and the happiness of the immigrant populations were virtually identical to the results for the overall population, with Finland at the top. That is to say, both Finnish-born people and those who migrated there are equally happy. So -- maybe this happiness thing isn't intrinsically Finnish. “If Finns tell you they’re not happy, I understand,” said Finland native Anu Partanen, author of The Nordic Theory of Everything: In Search of a Better Life, who has lived in the US for a decade but plans to move her family back this summer. “They are often pessimistic by nature and reserved about their emotions. They drink too much, it’s dark, the winters are cold and hard psychologically. This Finnish happiness we hear about is not about dancing or smiling or being outwardly happy. If that’s your idea of happy, then no, they are not the happiest. Perhaps the researchers asked Finns if getting drunk in your underpants at home and calling it a national tradition is what makes them "content" or "happy." Päntsdrunk, the English version of the Finnish word kalsarikänni, which means sitting at home, alone, drinking in your underwear, is the new trend in Finland. Now we understand why Finns are "happy" -- they're just plain ridiculously drunk !!! • • • For just plain ridiculosity -- this one tops them all. Gun control hasn't done much to stop London's phenomenal murder rate. Criminals are now stabbing their victims. London, as well as the rest of the UK, has lots and lots of gun control, but it just isn't stopping murderers. So, being stoic British, and not wanting to admit that they have been bested by their less than completely socially adapted comrades, UK officials have doubled down on gun control AND gone one step further -- KNIFE CONTROL. That includes a new measure just recently suggested to force knife makers to dull their blades in a bid to head off more murders. I kid you not -- it's reported by the Heritage Foundation's Daily Signal : "With Knife Crimes on Rise, British Judge Recommends Duller Kitchen Knives. The judge now wants rounded knives, just like children's scissors, to ensure that anyone running with one doesn't put his or her eye out. This should do wonders for London's swinging culinary scene, penalizing its chefs with child-style cutting instruments. And it won't work for the knife control cause either. This actually is London's second round of knife control, the first was just pure knife control targeting the carrying of a knife in London, a couple months ago, bruited about by London's leftist mayor, Sadiq Khan. It didn't work, so now they're going for child-style blades for everyone, changing the face of knives." It looks like London's abundant supply of assaulters, burglars, and murderers will have to change their choice of weapons -- pitchforks, anyone?? This, Dear Olde England, really is just plain ridiculous. • • • And to wrap up this Saturday's just plain ridiculous tales, here is the whopper. In Switzerland, two people were injured, one seriously, while attempting to return two cows back to their stall this past week. The two animals ran off while being taken up to summer pastures in Vorderthal in the canton of Schwyz on Tuesday when the cows lost their cool. A farmer was eventually able to drive a suckler cow back to its stall. But as he was closing the gate, the animal broke loose and lightly injured him. Another woman who had been trying to round up the two animals was then thrown against a parked car by the suckler cow and received more serious injuries, cantonal police said in a statement. The woman was transferred to a specialist clinic by the Swiss air rescue service Rega, while the man was hospitalized. The suckler cow was eventually returned to its stall but the other cow could not be caught and was eventually put down. Now, I can hear you laughing and it does seem just plain ridiculous. BUT, hikers often encounter cows on paths throughout the Swiss Alps. Attacks are rare but they do occur, especially when the herd contains calves. A German tourist was killed in 2015 after walking through a field containing cows and their calves in the popular tourist area of Laax in the canton of Graubünden in south-eastern Switzerland. In 2014, a family of tourists were attacked by a cow with a calf above Davos, also in Graubünden and in 2012 a woman was attacked by cows in a pasture above Saint-Gingolph in the canton of Valais, an hour from Geneva. So, while the idea of cows being dangerous is just plain ridiculous -- forewarned is forearmed, as they say. Beware of Swiss cows when you're walking in the Alps. Being chased and butted by one is painful, even though the idea of the chase may be just plain ridiculous. • • • That's it for this Saturday. Keep your eyes peeled -- now there's a pretty ridiculous English expression -- for life's ridiculosities. They're everywhere.