Violence and Children

Several days ago, a troubled 24-year-old American football player shot and killed his 22-year-old companion and then went to the stadium where he aplogized for not living up to expectations and shot himself. A few days later, a 16-year old and two 15-year-olds who were members of a young boys' Dutch football (soccer) team kicked a linesman to death because his calls, in their twisted minds, had caused their team to lose. And just yesterday, we saw video footage of a man falling from a New York City subway platform onto a train track and being killed by an oncoming train while a photo-journalist recorded images of the tragedy instead of trying to save the man. What we have heard about these unrelated cases is the following : (1) in America, as we would expect, there was a media uproar for strict gun control; (2) in Europe, we were once again bombarded with laments about the violence in football, but the laments were sorely lacking in ideas about how to end the violence; (3) and in New York, psychologists explained that there is a "group effect" that suggests that people in groups are less likely to help someone in danger than a lone person faced with such a situation. I feel sure, dear readers, that you will not hear one word about the real common thread that ties these three terribly sad events together. The thread is the unwinding of social norms for children. Today, we are exposed to violence routinely and unavoidably - murderous physical confrontations, bloody military attacks, mob attacks on political opponents, sexual excess. We know that personal fights can lead to death. We know that war is bloody and to be avoided except when necessary. We know that sometimes political opposition in non-democratic situations has no choice but to take to the streets. We know that the dark underside of sexual desire can end in violence between the partners. None of this is new. What is new is our societal attitude to the public presentation of various forms of violence. We allow our children to watch TV programs and films - labelled not for those under 10 years of age - that often go beyond my adult capacity to absorb violence. We permit our children of 13-15 to be taught about the details of oral sex. We cheer for and support sports stars whose comportment would have been subject to expulsion from the sport in my youth. But we do not blame ourselves. Never do we say...that is too violent for TV. Never do we speak out to defend our childrens' right to a childhood free of the violence of emotion and physical confrontation that adults can survive even if they do not agree with or enjoy it. I am reminded of the end of the Roman Empire when excess was sought out in a frenzy of decadence. I think of the Middle Ages after the end of the Empire and before 18th century European philosophers and educators began to ask serious questions about the differences between children and adults. Surely today we do not live in a period where we believe in the marriage of 12-year-olds or that children should work 12 hour days or that children should be treated as adults in the justice system. But we do seem to live in a world where we cannot or will not protect our children from violence or teach them that violence is not acceptable in society. And so we can expect more murder-suicides to solve personal disputes...more football violence up to and including kicking referees to death....and more denial of personal responsibility in the face of violence by photographing violent death instead of trying to prevent it.